Legolas Speaks
by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey
Summary: Lindir prepares a present for his cousin Feren, only to be interrupted by the obnoxious Legolas. What will the minstrel do when he suddenly finds all his friends after him and his once-nemesis? Rated for weirdness and slightly wacky content.
1. 10:30 am

_I had to write a short story for school about someone with a stuffed animal that he could record a message onto. What would he record? Who would he be sending the message to? Etc. So this evolved and became more of a long story than a short story. XD I wrote the outline and the first chapter in one day, then waited about a month and wrote the rest of it all at once, so there will be mistakes and perhaps incongruities. Please tell me if you notice any really bad so I can fix it. _

* * *

**Chapter 1. **

Lindir was a little nervous. His cousin Feren's birthday was coming up, and he had gotten him a gift; but was it the right one? He looked dubiously at the pink and purple butterfly plushie and sighed. He hoped Feren would like it.

He had seen it at Imladris Dollar and it had instantly grabbed his attention. Not only was it a butterfly, but it had a large sticker on it that said: 'RECORD YOUR SPECIAL MESSAGE'. He grabbed it up and read the directions.

'Hold down button. Speak into plushie. You have a special, personal, recorded message for your loved one! Warning: Not for elflings under 30 years of age. Do not leave in hot sunlight. Do not drown. Do not-'

Since Lindir was not Galdor, he didn't feel as if it would be detrimental to the earth if he didn't read all the warnings, so he didn't. He quickly bought it and ran home.

But now he wasn't sure what to record.

'I love you, Feren?' he mused. 'No, too sappy. You light up my life? Nah.' After thinking about it for a long time, he finally decided on writing a special song.

_Haaaaaappy biiiiiiiiirthday, Fer-en, _

_You're my special friend, _

_Haaaaaappy biiiiiiiiiirthday, Fer-en, _

_To my message please attend. _

_Haaaaaappy biiiiiiiiiiiirthday, Fer-en, _

_I can never love you more, _

_Haaaaaappy biiiiiiiiiiiirthday, Fer-en, _

_Say goodbye to One Thousand and Four. _

Lindir pushed the button and was about to sing his message when Legolas burst in, yelling something very loud. Lindir dropped the plushie and jumped up.

'What are you doing in my chamber, Legolas?' he asked, frowning. He was excessively annoyed.

'I was just quoting this line from this dumb thing dad had that I wanted you to hear,' Legolas rambled. 'What are you doing? Man, your room is a mess.'

'Look who's talking,' Lindir said snarkily. 'Would you mind removing yourself from my chamber? I'm rather busy.'

'Lindir, what on earth were you doing? I thought I heard you singing a weird song- What's this?' Legolas snatched up the paper whereon Lindir had been writing his song. '_Happy birthday Feren, You're my special friend,' _he read aloud. 'This doesn't fit in!'

'Yes it does,' said Lindir, sticking his nose in the air. 'You have to accent _Ha_ppy and _Birth_day.'

'It still doesn't fit in!' said Legolas.

'Give it back,' said Lindir. 'Let me demonstrate. _Haaaaaappy biiiiiiiiirthday Fer-en-' _

'No, no, that's fine,' said Legolas hurriedly. 'I think I get the point.'

'Why did you come here again?' asked Lindir.

'I don't remember now,' said Legolas. 'Oh! Elrond wanted to see you in his study.'

'Oh,' said Lindir, and left, closely followed by Legolas who was a snoop and wanted to know why Elrond wanted to see the minstrel.

'Lindir,' said Elrond, 'I want you to keep a closer eye on the twins. They keep running off to hunt orcs without my permission.'

'With all due respect, my lord,' said Lindir, 'they are much more mature than they used to be. I think they can take care of themselves, don't you?'

'That's not all, though,' said Elrond. 'They keep losing limbs. It's not the easiest thing to sew them back together again. They're good at staying alive, but not at staying intact. Could you perhaps try to get them to stay here in Rivendell and not wander off?'

'Yes, milord,' Lindir sighed, and walked out, bumping into Legolas on the way. 'What are you doing?' he asked.

'Just eavesdropping. I mean, just familiarizing myself… with the… books and such...' Legolas said, pretending to rifle through the bookshelves.

Lindir was not fooled, but it was too much trouble to bother with Legolas' annoyingness. He began to make his way back to his chamber when he bumped into Glorfindel.

'Lindir!' said that elf in a sickly-sweet voice. Lindir cringed.

'Yes, Glorfindel?' he asked nervously.

'You know that song you've written recently?'

'Oh, yes,' said Lindir, brightening. 'The one about Luthien? Do you like it?'

'I hate it,' said Glorfindel between his teeth. 'And Gildor has been singing it constantly.'

Lindir smiled wanly. 'It does have a rather catchy tune, doesn't it?' he said with a nervous laugh.

'I'll let you by this time,' hissed Glorfindel, backing Lindir up against a wall, 'but if you so much as write one note of another horrible song, I will beat you to a jelly.'

Lindir nodded vigorously, meanwhile hoping that Glorfindel wouldn't come across that song he'd written for Feren…

Meanwhile, Elladan and Elrohir were trying to obey their father. They were no longer the flippant, silly children they used to be, at least they didn't like to think they were; but an order to keep from orc hunting was very hard to obey. They shared a hate for orcs and a wish to avenge their mother, and the more orcs they killed the better they felt. But they did wish to obey their father, and so they tried their best to resist the temptation.

'What should we do?' asked Elrohir, who was bored.

'I don't know,' said Elladan, who was also bored. 'Dad said to let Lindir keep an eye on us. Maybe we should go find him.'

The twins hurried to Lindir's chamber, but found it empty. 'Well, that's that,' said Elrohir.

'What is this?' Elladan asked, picking up the butterfly plushie.

'Hehe,' said Elrohir. 'Lindir is such a butterfly fanatic.'

Elladan tossed it onto the bed. 'Well, what should we do?'

'I want to play football,' said Elrohir, 'but I lost mine the last time we went to Mirkwood.'

Elladan frowned, then brightened. The twins looked at each other and smiled. They both had the same thought.

Lindir, once he managed to shake off the creeps Glorfindel had given him, made it back to his chamber without bumping into any more annoying individuals. There he sat and began playing one of his old compositions to calm his nerves.

He didn't notice the distance roar of the name 'Legolas' being shouted from somewhere in the direction of Elrond's study…

* * *

_Do you like it so far? Is it crazy? Insane? Weird? Constructive criticism is appreciated also! :) _

_-Lil_


	2. 11:00 am-1:00 pm

**Chapter 2. **

Elladan and Elrohir were very ingenious. When they couldn't find an actual football to use, they came up with something else. The 'something else' in this case happened to be Lindir's stuffed butterfly plushie.

After bearing being kicked about outside a great deal, the hapless plushie found itself left alone on the floor in Elrond's study. It was lonely in there; not another stuffed animal in sight. If the plushie had had feelings, it would have been sad and broken-hearted. As it was, it was quite fine, except for a few mud marks from the booted feet of the twins.

If you are in the middle of the floor of the lord of Imladris' study, sooner or later you'll be found by that lord of Imladris. And that is what happened to our little plushie. Elrond entered his study to see a strange pink and purple object on his luscious carpet, and being naturally curious, he bent down and picked it up. And, by a strange twist of fate, as he picked it up he squeezed it. It let out a strangled croak before playing back the message that had been recorded onto it.

Elrond's mouth dropped open and made a choking sound. His face turned red. Then he let out something that sounded like a cross between a roar and a croak.

'LEGOLAS!'

Elrond dropped the plushie and ran to find that offending individual. He soon did. Legolas was hanging over Erestor's shoulder and trying to read his book while at the same time talking non-stop. He looked up when Elrond entered.

'Hello, milord,' he said flippantly. 'How are you? I was just saying to Erestor how nice it would be if we had more chocolate cake around here. I-'

Elrond walked straight up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. Then he shook him hard.

'Legolas!' he hissed. 'I should have never let you enter Imladris! I trusted you! I never dreamed you'd do this!'

'What?' gasped Legolas, thoroughly surprised.

'You've been hitting on my daughter!' roared Elrond.

Meanwhile, Arwen was looking for her father. She wanted to ask him about the wedding decorations that her grandmother had recommended to her. She wandered into Elrond's study and saw the butterfly plushie on the floor.

'Why, isn't this cute?' she said to herself. 'It will match my wedding decorations perfectly!' She bent down and picked it up.

The plushie let out a croak again, and played back the recording. Arwen dropped it, startled. Then she slowly picked it up again, blushed, and smiled.

'I haven't been hitting on Arwen!' said Legolas, trying to get out of Elrond's grasp.

'Yes you have!' Elrond said, still roaring. Erestor had ducked behind his book and pretended that he wasn't there. 'I would recognize your voice anywhere!'

'What are you talking about?' cried Legolas. 'I don't know what you're talking about!'

Just then, Arwen entered. 'Hi, Legolas,' she said, blushing. 'Hey, dad, I have these wedding decorations that I want to talk to you about-'

'I'm busy,' snapped Elrond. 'What's more,' he continued to Legolas, 'who else would you have been talking to? Arwen is practically the only female in Imladris!'

'Well, the only one that's at all attractive,' said Arwen, batting her eyelashes and twirling her skirts.

'I swear, I don't know what you're talking about,' said Legolas, trying to imitate his dad and sound haughty, but ending up just sounding scared.

'I think you do,' said Elrond, scowling. 'Does the word "butterfly plushie" mean anything to you?'

'That's two words,' said Legolas faintly.

Meanwhile, Aragorn was looking for his fiancee. He skipped into the garden and saw on the bench an odd pink-ish object. Curious, of course, he picked it up.

Plushies that speak get more likely to speak the more that their buttons are pressed. So it spoke again, much to Aragorn's surprise. And soon horror.

'Legolas,' he hissed. 'WHAT!'

'Shut up!' yelled Elrond at Legolas, back in the library. 'You know what I mean!'

'LEGOLAS!' roared Aragorn, bursting in with the pink and purple stuffed animal in his hands. 'HOW DARE YOU HIT ON MY FIANCEE!'

'What is going on?' yelled Legolas, throwing himself on the floor and making melodramatic noises like he'd seen his dad do when his stylist had not straightened his hair right. 'What have I done to deserve this?'

'You leave my Leggy-poo alone!' snapped Arwen, stomping up to Aragorn and snatching the plushie away. 'That's mine. You go away, you big, mean, old, bully!'

'You're calling _me _old?' yelled Aragorn. 'Why is everyone so evil? Elrond, make Arwen behave! She's your daughter!'

'Arwen, behave!' said Elrond. 'Legolas, get up off of my floor!'

But Legolas was already out the window and running. He had thought he'd seen Aragorn's hand move towards his sword hilt, and decided not to stick around.

Arwen flounced towards the door. 'You guys are all so mean to poor Leggy-poo,' she said. 'I'm going to go tell your mom-in-law on you!'

Elrond turned rather white. 'Nooooo!' he said. But it was too late. Arwen was already riding away on Asfaloth (with Glorfindel in pursuit on foot).

When Arwen reached Lothlorien, her grandmother was about to start out on a trip to the Havens; but when she heard Arwen's pathetic grumping about how her dad was being mean she decided to wait and hear the rest of Arwen's story. She was always looking for excuses to get angry at Elrond.

'He doesn't understand,' said Arwen, sniffling. 'And Aragorn doesn't, either. What's wrong with someone sending me a nice friendly thing like this?'

'What is it?' asked Galadriel. 'It looks like a butterfly.'

'Yeah,' said Arwen. 'Isn't it sweet? Leggy-poo is such a dear.'

'May I?' asked Galadriel, and took it from her. She squeezed it. Then she turned red. 'Legolas gave this to you?' she said in a menacing tone.

'Yes,' said Arwen, giggling.

'HOW DARE HE,' said Galadriel, and stomped off to find Celeborn. 'HONEY!' she shrieked.

'Yes, dear?' said Celeborn, trying to not listen. He was trying to finish reading the Gondor Times. News from Gondor was so interesting these days.

'That evil Legolas has somehow found out about my failed business attempt from the second age!' Galadriel fumed. 'He has recorded the slogan on a thingy.'

'What are you talking about?' asked Celeborn, turning a page.

'You remember when I tried to start a business selling talking vegetable plants made from genetically modifying Ents? I never actually did it, because Thranduil told me it would never sell. A few years later I was terribly ashamed of it- remember, I made you buy me three gallons of chocolate ice cream that one day.'

'Oh, yes, now I remember,' said Celeborn, and wished he hadn't. It was extremely annoying when Galadriel got angsty.

'Well, like I said, Legolas has somehow found out about it, and has recorded the slogan for all to hear! It's evil! I can't believe it! How dare he!'

'Calm yourself,' said Celeborn.

'I will not!' screamed Galadriel. 'I will ride to Imladris this instant and murder that insolent puppy!'

'My dear, do you really think that's necessary-' began Celeborn.

'YES.' Galadriel stomped down the steps, making the whole talan shake.

* * *

_I apologize for the abruptness of some of the chapter endings. I kinda just wrote until I felt like switching chapters. :P _


	3. 1:00 pm- 2:00 pm

**Chapter 3. **

'Haldir,' called Celeborn.

'Yes, my lord?' said Haldir, hurrying up the talan steps.

'Galadriel has gone rogue,' said Celeborn. 'Can you stop her from doing anything rash?'

'I don't think so, sir,' said Haldir matter-of-factly.

'Argh,' said Celeborn, and buried his head in his newspaper.

Haldir snuck the lord's bottle of wine from the side table and poured himself a glass. Then he sat down to drink it before Celeborn noticed. But he jumped right back up again, for he'd sat on the butterfly plushie.

His eyes widened when he heard what it said. Then his deductive skills kicked in and he began to think.

Galadriel must have run off to find Legolas- it was definitely Legolas' voice- because she was angry that he had found out about her slogan. Yes, Haldir knew all about her failed business attempt, and had been one of the main individuals ordered to silence the press about it and not let the news get out. Now how would Legolas have found out about it? Well, Thranduil had known about it… in fact, Galadriel had recorded her advertisement and showed it to him to see what he thought. Maybe Thranduil had stolen it for blackmail. Now that Haldir thought about this, it seemed just like something the Elvenking would do.

Haldir frowned stoically. There was only one thing to do. It was his duty, as Marchwarden of Lothlorien, to go steal the recording back from Thranduil.

'I set off for Mirkwood immediately,' he said to no one in particular, and giving his cloak a majestic twirl, he ran for his horse.

At this point, Glorfindel had finally managed to make it to Lothlorien- but only in time to see Arwen jump on Asfaloth and ride away back towards Imladris again. Being exhaustible (despite being a balrog slayer) he collapsed on the steps of a convenient talan and caught his breath. Then something pink and purple caught his eye.

If Glorfindel had a weakness, it was for the colour pink. He loved it. He would have had his whole room decorated in pink if he wasn't ashamed of his obsession. But no one was looking, so he decided to go see what the pink and purple thing was.

He picked it up. It looked quite strange. In fact, it didn't look like something that belonged in Lothlorien at all. It looked more like something Lindir would have kicking around. Glorfindel frowned. Lindir was the only one obsessed with butterflies enough to have something like this. Wait- there was a thingy here on it- 'Squeeze here'. Glorfindel squeezed.

When he had heard what was recorded on the plushie, Glorfindel turned red and his brow furrowed. How had Lindir dared disobey him? Was this not part of another stupid song? Surely Lindir wouldn't have written something that stupid! And yet, when Glorfindel thought about that last song Lindir had written… Glorfindel let out a primal roar.

'I WILL KILL THAT MINSTREL!' he yelled, and started at a run for Imladris, the butterfly in his grasp.

Lindir wasn't hiding. He had no idea all these things were going on. However, he was lucky in that he was in a place Glorfindel didn't expect him to be. If he hadn't been, he would have probably been dead that day.

He happened to be in the kitchen, snitching a muffin while the cook wasn't looking, when Glorfindel ran past, a streak of green and gold. He was yelling as he went, 'LINDIR I SAID NO MORE WRITING DUMB SONGS! And THIS is the dumbest YET! For goodness' sake, who would write a song that goes-'

Lindir was confused. He hadn't written a song that went that way. But he doubted he'd be able to convince Glorfindel of that fact.

'What should I do?' he thought. 'Perhaps now would be a good time to visit Mirkwood, since Legolas isn't there right now… and I can take my present to Feren while I'm there. Then I won't have to pay the expensive shipping tax.' (The shipping tax had been created by Galadriel, who had been rather hard up at the time and wanted a salary for being in the White Council.)

'Have you seen Lindir?' Glorfindel asked Galdor and Gildor, who were busy beating each other up.

'No,' said Galdor.

'No,' said Gildor.

'Well, if you see him, tell me,' said Glorfindel, and headed towards Lindir's room. He angrily banged on the door. 'LINDIR!' he yelled, though the constant roaring was making him rather hoarse. There was no answer, so he stormed in.

He was quite disappointed to find it empty. Still, there was a chance that Lindir was under the bed or in the wardrobe… as Glorfindel stepped forward into the room, he slipped on sheets of music that were scattered all over the floor. 'LINDIR!' he screamed.

Gildor and Galdor suddenly ceased their fighting. That thing had caught both of their eyes at the same moment. That pink and purple thing.

'What's this?' asked Galdor.

'Let me see,' said Gildor, trying to snatch it from him.

'Aah! It's making a noise!' said Galdor.

'Shut up! I couldn't hear what it said!'

'It seems to be singing something.'

'No, it's just saying something.'

'I know what it is,' said Galdor suddenly. 'It's Legolas singing a love-song to Galadriel. Have you seen the way he looks at her?'

'Nonsense,' said Gildor, sticking his nose in the air. 'It's Arwen telling ME how much she likes me. It's too girly of a voice for Legolas.'

'Legolas has a really girly voice,' said Galdor. 'And why would Arwen like you, anyhow?'

Their fight began right where it had left off, and the butterfly plushie was forgotten.

* * *

_How did Haldir get so smart all of a sudden? He was never this clever in any of my stories before... *frowns suspiciously*_


	4. 2:15 pm-3:30 pm

**Chapter 4. **

_To clarify a bit, the plushie only plays back the one message, but everyone is taking it to mean different things. I hope no one was too confused! _

Haldir had finally made it to Mirkwood. He ran up to the front gate of the palace and banged on it furiously.

'Hello, Haldir,' said Feren, opening it. 'Are you here to see the king?'

'Yes,' said Haldir. 'I came to retrieve the recording that he stole from Galadriel!'

Feren said O.o and slammed the door again. He and Thranduil had a plot to use that recording for blackmail, and he didn't want Haldir spoiling everything.

'FEREN!' yelled Haldir, beating on the gate.

'Your majesty,' said Feren, 'the Marchwarden of Lothlorien is here and is demanding that you give up the recording!'

'Oh dear,' said Thranduil carelessly. 'I shall have to get it out of here. If anyone finds any proof that I have it, I shall be in big trouble.'

'I have an idea,' said Feren cleverly. 'Take it away from here, while I keep Haldir distracted.'

'That's a good idea,' Thranduil began. Just then, Legolas burst in.

'Dad,' he yelled. 'Everyone is after me!'

'Feren, Legolas is having one of his panic attacks again,' said Thranduil, waving his son away. 'Take care of him for me, will you? I must be off.'

'Come with me, Legolas,' said Feren. 'You're going to help me distract Haldir.'

'I tell you, Feren, everyone is after me!' Legolas insisted. 'There was Elrond, and Aragorn, and as I was leaving, I saw Galadriel coming from a distance and she looked really angry. I couldn't take it anymore!-'

'Wait, Galadriel was going to Imladris?' said Feren, whirling around.

'Yeah.'

'Oh dear. Your highness! Thranduil Elvenking! Nooo!' But Feren was too late. Thranduil was already astride his fabulous elk and galloping towards Imladris.

'What's going on?' yelled Haldir from outside. 'Is that Legolas' voice I hear?'

'Yes,' said Feren. 'What do you want with Legolas?'

'He knew of that recording! I want to know how,' said Haldir. 'And I also want him as proof that Thranduil did steal the recording.'

'How is he proof?' said Feren, confused. Just then Lindir came running up to the gate.

'Open up!' he called breathlessly. 'Glorfindel is after me!'

Feren, having a soft spot for Lindir, unhesitatingly opened the gate. Both the minstrel and the marchwarden rushed in.

'What is going on?' Feren asked Lindir. He wasn't very surprised to see Lindir distressed. Bad things continually happened to Lindir.

'Glorfindel found out I wrote another song and so he is trying to kill me,' said Lindir, wide-eyed.

Haldir laughed. So did Legolas. Then they both realized that the other was laughing, stopped abruptly, and glared at each other.

'Come with me, Legolas,' said Haldir. 'I hear that Galadriel is looking for you. I bet she'd pay a pretty price for your head.'

'No,' said Legolas wildly. 'Save me, Feren!'

Meanwhile, back in Imladris, Thranduil was bearing the recording to his private suite he'd rented from Elrond. As he rounded an ill-placed corner on his way there, he bumped right into Galadriel.

'YOU,' said Galadriel, her voice like poison. 'You told your son about my stupid slogan!'

Thranduil, in a dignified and fabulous manner, ran.

Feren punched Haldir. 'Run,' he whispered to Lindir and Legolas.

'Hide me, Lindir!' said Legolas desperately. 'You know all the hiding spots in Mirkwood!'

'But if I show them to you, I won't be able to hide from you next time I visit,' said Lindir.

'Oh, shut up and run, before he comes to,' said Feren impatiently.

'Oh, shoot,' said Lindir. 'Here, Legolas, there's this spot behind your dad's third favourite throne...'

'You've hid here before?' said Legolas, squeezing into the space. 'What's this- a football...'

'Yes. Once I was stuck there for a really long council that lasted, like, four hours and then your dad sat there for another two hours drinking wine and watching My Little Pony.'

'Lindir, get away from there! Legolas, be quiet!' said Feren. 'Haldir is waking up!'

'We'd better hide, too,' said Lindir to Feren. 'Otherwise Haldir will make us tell him where Legolas is.'

'Wait, why are you here again?' asked Feren.

'Because Glorfindel is mad because he told me to stop writing songs and he thinks I wrote this one that I didn't.'

Feren suddenly had a thought. 'How did it go?' he asked. Lindir demonstrated. 'Well, I have a solution for you,' said Feren. 'You can prove you didn't write that.'

'How?' said Lindir.

'That is a slogan Galadriel wrote, and you can prove it because there is a recording of her advertisement that contains that part. If we can get the recording from Thranduil and show it to Glorfindel, then he'll know that you didn't write the song and won't be mad at you anymore. But, then again, I wouldn't be able to use it for blackmail then, because Glorfindel would foil that.'

'It's worth it for me, right?' said Lindir quickly.

'I suppose,' Feren sighed.

'WHERE ARE YOU ELVES?' yelled Haldir from a distance.

'Run,' said Feren.

Unfortunately, Haldir caught sight of them as they ran for the door, and started after them.

'If we can just get the recording,' said Feren. 'We have to get to Imladris and find Thranduil!'

'I can't run all the way back to Imladris!' Lindir groaned, but he ran.

Legolas poked his head out from under the throne. He was quite pleased with this state of things. Haldir was now chasing Feren and Lindir, and he was in Mirkwood alone and at peace. He, being of a paranoid nature, went around locking all the doors.

When Feren and Lindir finally arrived in Imladris, everything was chaos. Arwen rushed by, chased by Aragorn, who was chased by Elrond. Gildor and Galdor were (still) fighting. Elladan and Elrohir were arguing about which one lost the alternate football or something. And there went Thranduil, with Galadriel in hot pursuit.

'We'll split up,' said Feren. 'I'll get the recording, while you locate Glorfindel and try to stay out of his way.'

Off went Feren, and Lindir felt suddenly and frighteningly unprotected. He didn't particularly want to find Glorfindel, so instead he decided to try and find the present he had meant to give to Feren. To his annoyance it wasn't in his room where he had left it.

But Glorfindel was.

Lindir ran again. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Feren, meanwhile, had found Thranduil hiding under a table and managed to pick his pocket and get the recording. But just as he was about to sneak away, Galadriel burst in and caught sight of both of them.

'I'll get you!' she shrieked, and rushed forward. At the same time, Thranduil realized that his recording was gone. He glared at Feren.

Feren ran again, Thranduil chasing him, Galadriel chasing Thranduil. Complicated, indeed.

As Lindir was making his escape, he ran through the library to see Erestor, reading and enjoying a cuppa. But there was the plushie, being used as a book-end on one of the shelves. Lindir grabbed it as he went by.

'Oi, stoppit!' said Erestor, angrily starting up, only to be knocked over by Glorfindel and have his tea spilled all over his nice robe. 'LINDIR!' he yelled.

Out of the gates of Imladris ran Feren and Lindir at the same time. They paused one moment to make sympathetic faces at each other, then continued their fleeing with all of Imladris after them (all those who hadn't been after them at first had decided to join in the fun).

'This is not my best day,' said Feren.

'No kidding,' said Lindir.

'You know,' said Feren, 'I don't really think this plan will work.'

'Oh, really?' said Lindir sarcastically.

'Yeah. If we let the world know the truth about this recording, A: Thranduil will fire me and B: Galadriel will kill us- not to mention Haldir, who is right behind you- watch out!'

'Well, you'd better think of another plan pretty dashed quick,' said Lindir, the closest to being angry at Feren as he had ever come.

'We must make Legolas explain everything to everyone,' said Feren. 'To Mirkwood!'

The duo hastily changed direction and made for the palace of the Elvenking.

Legolas saw them coming, and was glad that he had thought of locking all the doors. But locked doors do nothing against the gatekeeper, and Lindir and Feren burst in and slammed the door behind them.

But it was too late. The closest person behind them had made it in before they could get the gate shut again.

'Leggy-poo!' screamed Arwen, rushing towards that individual.

It was Legolas' turn to run again. And run he did- straight into Feren and Lindir's trap. They held him down (well, mostly Feren did, Lindir not being the muscular type) and tied him up, meanwhile trying to beat off Arwen who was hovering nearby.

* * *

_Ah! Chapter is getting too long! SUSPENSE. _


	5. 3:30 pm-3:45 pm

**Chapter 5.**

_I know I know I know. I haven't been around in forever... and this chapter is really short... and I have been being lazy... I'm really sorry. :( *hides under blankets* I will try to be writing more. I am supposed to be doing Camp NanoWrimo and haven't even started yet. O.O I need some motivation. Anyway, I hope you keep enjoying this story! The next chapter will come soon, I promise. _

'Now, Legolas,' Feren ordered, 'we're going to let everyone in, and you will explain everything to them so that no one will be chasing anyone anymore.'

'But I didn't do anything!' groaned Legolas.

'I will explain,' said Lindir, looking rather white. 'I think I understand what is going on now.'

Feren and Legolas both turned to him inquisitively.

'There is this,' said Lindir, holding up the pink and purple butterfly plushie. 'This started it all.'

'Go on,' said Feren gravely.

'I had this- nevermind why- and on it you can record anything you want. Well, I was just about to record my thing, when in burst Legolas and said this.' Lindir pushed the button and the stuffed animal played back the sound. Feren snorted. 'So you see,' said Lindir, 'this is why everyone is upset. Glorfindel thinks I wrote a new song and recorded it on here. Galadriel thinks that Legolas is making fun of her slogan. Arwen and Aragorn and Elrond all think that Legolas was just hitting on Arwen-'

'That makes sense,' said Feren. 'After all, who else would be stupid enough to have a butterfly plushie? And who else would he give it to but Arwen?'

Lindir blushed. Just then, the rest of the elves all burst in.

'You dare lock me out of my own kingdom!' yelled Thranduil.

'Stop- stop- stop!' said Feren. 'Legolas is going to explain everything!'

Lindir suddenly got the feeling that this was not a good idea. Legolas wasn't the most tactful-

Legolas took a deep breath and began.

'I wasn't singing that message to Arwen,' he said. 'I was singing it to Lindir-'

O.O said everyone.

There is lots of running in this story. Sorry. I know it's rather exhausting and all, but that's just what happens in the elven kingdoms of Middle Earth.

Somehow, Legolas managed to get free of the bonds; perhaps fear lent him strength. But he and Feren and Lindir were off again, with everyone after them.

'Lindir,' Feren panted as they ran, 'so why _did _you have the butterfly plushie?'

'I, uh,' said Lindir. 'I was going to give it to you- uh, for your birthday...'

Feren stopped dead in his tracks. 'What,' he said.

'What,' said Legolas.

Legolas burst out laughing. Feren roared.

'HOW DARE YOU!' he yelled.

'Why does everything happen to meeeeeeee?' groaned Lindir.

And ran.


	6. 3:45 pm-infinity and beyond

**Chapter 6.**

_*Wails* 'Cause yoooou broke aaaallll your proooomiseeeessss!" That's my theme song right now. *sigh* Sorry. I really am. I lied. But I am BACK. And it is finally OVER. And I am about to update Life of LINDIR. And it's going to be EPIC. Oh YEAH. :) _

Lindir wondered if he'd be running for the rest of his life. His feet were so tired… he couldn't… run… much… longer…

Lindir tripped. He went flying through the air and landed face down on the dirt.

And on the plushie.

'Pick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' said the plushie.

But it didn't stop. Lindir, being exhausted, could not pick himself back up. 'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' the plushie squealed.

Suddenly Thranduil Elvenking burst out laughing.

'Ehehehehehee,' he said. 'Legolas, you sound so dumb! Ehehehe!'

Elrond coughed and tried not to laugh. And failed.

'Ahahahaha,' said Galadriel nervously, hoping no one would find out where that slogan had originally come from.

The twins were rolling on the ground laughing. So were Gildor and Galdor. Arwen giggled. Aragorn chuckled. Haldir choked. Feren snickered.

Legolas turned red.

'Eheheheh,' said Lindir.

'Stop laughing at meeeeeee!' said Legolas. Of course that just made everyone laugh harder. 'Why does everything happen to meeeeeeeeeee?' he yelled at the sky.

THE END.

* * *

_Tada! I made it. You didn't think I would, did you? Because, seriously, I have, like twelve unfinished stories on this site. And some of them may never be... what am I SAYING? I WILL FINISH THEM AAAAALLL! HA! *tries to be #LikeABoss and #FAILS* _

_THE END._


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